“Do you have a boyfriend?”
I used to dread this question because it would inevitably lead to my admitting that I never had a boyfriend. This confession would then be followed by the question, “Are you gay/a lesbian?” Huh? No. How does never having been in a relationship equate to being a lesbian? Why would anyone assume that? The first time I was confronted like this I was so shocked. Is society so afraid of being alone/single that it automatically assumes there’s something not quite right about you? (I am neither a homophobe nor do I have anything against gays. Several of my friends are gay and they’re some of the coolest people.) This issue boggled my mind for many years to the point where I started wondering if something was wrong with me. And then, I met many women out there who have never had a boyfriend. Women who have not had their first kiss; women who are even much older than me; smart, beautiful, strong, driven women. I can’t explain the relief I felt. I always thought I was the odd ball, but I’m not! Yay! If you’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend don’t fret. There’s nothing wrong with you. It isn’t because you aren’t lovable, likable, or wanted.
Which brings me to another point. Sex. Yes, I am a virgin and I have friends who are and aren’t as well. I am a virgin by choice and not because I can’t seem to find someone to have a one night stand with. It isn’t because no one wants to have sex with me so, please, please, please don’t take me to a bar and try to hook me up. One of my ex-coworkers attempted to do this and I’ll give him credit for trying. I had a really fun night in Hong Kong, but I did not hook up with anyone and the only action that I got were old men trying to dance with me, someone grabbing my boobs, and some guy with really stinky breath trying to kiss me. But no one will be able to force me to do something I don’t want to do.
Besides, when did being a virgin become something to frown upon? I’m sure there are many people who would disagree with me about having sex and argue that I am missing out. But I don’t feel like I am. I don’t know where this is going, so I’ll end here. I agree sex is a good thing. I just want to wait until after I get married.
P.S. Photo is from a project I did back in high school which was so long ago!
Doubt. This 5 letter word has the capability of rendering people incapable. It makes our fears accumulate into a black cloud we can’t run away from, shrivels up dreams until they’re nothing but withered saplings. It leaves us with nothing but missed opportunities and a whole lot of regret. A boring life. This is not a place anyone wants to be, but sometimes we just can’t help it. Or, can we?
What if we took our fears and flipped them upside down? What if, instead of thinking about the obstacles and all the difficulties we have to face to reach a goal–or whatever it is–we focus on the end result and what has been promised? I believe that every person has been promised certain things by God and He fulfills those promises at His own timing. I know, you might be thinking, “Well, what about the people starving in Africa or girls who are forced into drugs and prostitution?” I don’t have a definite answer to this but sometimes, we make series of bad choices which can lead us to a place we never wished. I struggle with this question, too and I’ve heard various answers but I can never explain it in my own words. We just need to put our part into it and remember that God never goes back on His word. When things get difficult or seem impossible, let this be an encouragement and keep pushing forward.
Often times, we tend to focus on the very small, trivial part and forget that it’s part of a much bigger picture. I’m trying not to dwell on my circumstances and obstacles, but set my sights on what has been promised to me. It ain’t easy and I’m going to be honest, I’m not absolutely certain what those promises are, but as I journey through my life, one by one, they’ll be revealed to me. I feel extremely lucky to be surrounded by pastors and friends who continually fill me with wise words and encouragements. Even from friends who live in different countries! ♡
So, surround yourself with people who are uplifting and BE uplifting to others! No one wants that negative energy! And if you are currently in a dark place, think about how you can change your what if’s of fear into something positive. It’s easy to sulk in our fears and doubt, but why would you take the easy route when there’s something so much better waiting for you by putting in some effort?
P.S. Do you like the photo of the flower? I was in my backyard and just messing around with my camera. Hehe. Told ya I’d dig out my DSLR from the deep, dark corner of my closet and put it to use. I thought it depicted our what if’s of fear and what it can do to us. Let’s not end up like that. Let’s be vibrant flowers that exude happiness and joy in people and ourselves.