I am a Virgin


“Do you have a boyfriend?”

I used to dread this question because it would inevitably lead to my admitting that I never had a boyfriend. This confession would then be followed by the question, “Are you gay/a lesbian?” Huh? No. How does never having been in a relationship equate to being a lesbian? Why would anyone assume that? The first time I was confronted like this I was so shocked. Is society so afraid of being alone/single that it automatically assumes there’s something not quite right about you? (I am neither a homophobe nor do I have anything against gays. Several of my friends are gay and they’re some of the coolest people.) This issue boggled my mind for many years to the point where I started wondering if something was wrong with me. And then, I met many women out there who have never had a boyfriend. Women who have not had their first kiss; women who are even much older than me; smart, beautiful, strong, driven women. I can’t explain the relief I felt. I always thought I was the odd ball, but I’m not! Yay! If you’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend don’t fret. There’s nothing wrong with you. It isn’t because you aren’t lovable, likable, or wanted.

Which brings me to another point. Sex. Yes, I am a virgin and I have friends who are and aren’t as well. I am a virgin by choice and not because I can’t seem to find someone to have a one night stand with. It isn’t because no one wants to have sex with me so, please, please, please don’t take me to a bar and try to hook me up. One of my ex-coworkers attempted to do this and I’ll give him credit for trying. I had a really fun night in Hong Kong, but I did not hook up with anyone and the only action that I got were old men trying to dance with me, someone grabbing my boobs, and some guy with really stinky breath trying to kiss me. But no one will be able to force me to do something I don’t want to do.

Besides, when did being a virgin become something to frown upon? I’m sure there are many people who would disagree with me about having sex and argue that I am missing out. But I don’t feel like I am. I don’t know where this is going, so I’ll end here. I agree sex is a good thing. I just want to wait until after I get married.

P.S. Photo is from a project I did back in high school which was so long ago!